Tag: jill

Whizzing across London in a helicopter!

~ Phil Lengthorn ~ 5 Comments

Today was quite a day! We have reached about half-way through Mum's never-ending 70th Birthday celebrations….and today a helicopter ride over London. We've always said that London is the best city in the world, and Mum has certainly seen a few, but today just backs up that statement.

Arriving at Redhill Aerodrome in Surrey, we were greeted by the friendly staff of EBG Helicopters, including Nick, our pilot for today. After a quick coffee and identification checks, including a safety briefing of: “don't stand on the rail thingys at the bottom”, we were off!

Once airborne the champagne was poured – it had been open prior to entering the helicopter as I'd imagine you don't really want a cork bouncing around in the cockpit. Travelling at 1200ft and 130mph we reached London in 9mins and were treated to some truly amazing sights. We followed the route of The Thames from Fulham and turned for home at Greenwich. Along the way we whizzed past various landmarks: Hampton Court, Wimbledon, Wembley, London Eye, Westminster, The Shard, The Gherkin, Canary Wharf and many many more.

A number of things strike you when you are up there: the amount of green spaces in London, the closeness of everything and the fact that London is indeed a fantastic looking city.

We all had a fantastic time, especially Mum who had wanted to do this for a long time. Happy Birthday!

 

 

It’s Christmas!

~ Phil Lengthorn ~ 3 Comments

It may only be May but in sunny Edenbridge it is Christmas! Very exciting!

For my sister last Christmas was a bit of a washout, due to her second child turning up on 22nd December in a rather traumatic way, therefore Christmas is taking place right now! Christmas music and the smell of turkey is filling the air.

Christmas Eve was spent in the pub, as is the tradition, although midnight mass didn't take place due to the vicar being rather unwilling to open up the church just for us. However, Santa did remember….

Jill has been busy with preparations: food, decorations, drink, she even managed to create a 'shed' for the nativity scene….

Can't wait for dinner!!!!

 

Breaking News: mother & daughter caught cheating….

~ Phil Lengthorn ~ 4 Comments

Egg-streme Cheating

Mother and daughter caught cheating at egg and spoon race.

Yesterday at a National Trust organised Easter Egg Hunt in Chartwell a mother and daughter were found to have cheated in an egg and spoon race. Jill Lawrence, 36, and mother of two, was allegedly said to have sellotaped her daughters egg to the spoon. The much anticipated under 6s race, the highlight of the day, had begun in good spirits, but it wasn't until the race had started that eyebrows began to be raised.

Grace (18mths), clearly unaware of the scandal that is to follow

News of the scandal broke when a young lad noticed the shiny looking surface to the egg, when his father looked closer the Sellotape was clear for all to see. “My boy has inconsolable,” said the man, who wanted to remain anonymous for fear of reprisals, “my boy has been training for weeks and then some jumped up woman appears to try to claim the glory, it's disgusting!”

Sellotape is clear for all to see

Mr E Bunny, National Trust Easter Egg Hunt organiser, had this to say, “Following reports of alleged cheating we have suspended Mrs Lawrence and her family from attending any National Trust Heritage sites and events. We are also looking into claims that the same woman may have not completed the Egg Trail but still claimed the prize,” he went on to say that, “she is the lowest of the low, and to drag her innocent daughter into her web of deceit is unforgiving.”

The local Edenbridge Police Constabulary have put out this alert:

This is just the latest in a long line of strange and worrying behaviour that includes, amongst other things, forcing children to wear bizarre bunny ears and adorning her daughter with strange pagan symbols, these pictures have recently surfaced…

This woman should not be approached. If you do see her call 999 immediately.

The full story can be read here.

 

Janathon Day 12 and a brand new nephew….

~ Phil Lengthorn ~ 2 Comments

Today was a day of two halves.

Boring bit…..

ANOTHER run in the dark, around the streets of Bourne. Although I have broken the 50 mile mark with today's run.

Today's mileage = 3.68

Janathon mileage so far = 51.47

Exciting bit….

We visited my sister and the new addition to her family, my new little nephew Stanley, 20 days old…

Grace, his big sister, was also on top form today….

 

A sparkly new nephew….

~ Phil Lengthorn ~ 3 Comments

Today we have a reason to drink beer! My little sister and her husband have a new addition to the family – a lovely little boy. No names as yet, but Star, Donkey, Jesus and Rudolph are all still in the running!

So we welcome the little lad into the world with the help of a bottle of 'Bitter & Twisted', #26 of #decembeer…..

It was a pretty poxy day today: raining, busy everywhere and raining. I did initially choose this beer because it summed up the character of the old bag nasty piece of work woman in the cafe I went in for breakfast this morning.

But in the end the day was very good!

 

 

What a day!

~ Phil Lengthorn ~ 4 Comments

Remember, remember the fifth of November,

A long day, piglet and cults.

Today was a very long and stressful day. It has felt like everything has been against me:

  • I have a stack of marking that, despite my best efforts, does not seem to be going down.
  • I was not really ‘feeling it’ today.
  • The kids have been slightly crazy today. Even my ‘lovely’ Y11s were also not really ‘feeling it’ either. Even a spontaneous bit of Zumba in the classroom failed to shift the negative feeling that was banging around.
  • iPad has less that 4% battery life left – Apple make the shortest ever charging cable in the history of the world so that it is impossible to work and charge it.
  • I made an origami piglet that ‘apparently’ looks more like a rhino (see below).
  • I’ve got work to do but can’t be bothered.
  • The paper is rectangle and not square which is a problem for an origami master like myself.
  • The dog thinks I am mean all because he is a big girl and is stressing out about the fireworks.
  • Blogsy, the app I usually use for posting blogs, has decided that it wants to mess me around as well.
  • All in all I am feeling very sorry for myself.

 

I also found out today that my sister lives in a strange town that offers sacrifices to their God in the form of rather bizarre bonfire Guys. Lance Armstrong was this year’s sacrifice, just ahead of Jimmy Savile and George Osbourne. My sister took part in last night’s procession through the streets of Edenbridge before Reverend Bonfire helped conduct some sort of mass cult prayer session before the effigy was lit to cries of “burn him, burn him!”.

I will be keeping a close eye on my sister’s behaviour in future, although the giant Wicker Man she has erected in her garden is causing some concern.

And so to Day 5 of November’s Challenge to produce one piece of origami per day. Continuing the recent animal theme, a piglet is today’s offering….

Here is Billy hiding like a girl in the cupboard because of the fireworks….

In an attempt to lighten my mood I resorted to the genius of Terry Hall, in his guise of lead singer of Fun Boy Three, that didn’t work either…..