Today was all about the rise of the machines.

Photocopiers hate me.

Today went something like this:

• Photocopier one ran out of paper mid copy – none easily available – had to go fetch some.
• Paper jam one – solved and sorted.
• Paper jam two – solved and sorted – it was the same problem moments before.
• Paper jam three – swore at machine and went off to find another one.
• Photocopier two had a red light blinking at me and refused to come to life.
• Photocopier three ran out of A3 paper halfway through second task – none easily available – had to go fetch some.

Scarpered out of school very quickly today to get to the gym for some treadmill action.

Treadmills hate me.

Treadmill number one was unable to incline, no matter how many times I pressed the ‘incline’ button. In the end it stopped and flashed up the words ‘error comm net’, whatever that meant.

Treadmill two was making a weird whizzing grinding sort of noise, so I jumped off that one pretty lively.

Treadmills three and four were already taken (and appeared to be working fine).

Which left treadmill five, the battered one in the corner, the one with the repaired belt, the one that wobbled when you run on it.

Beggars can’t be choosers – 35min at an easy pace.

Juneathon Day 4 = 3.4 miles

Juneathon total so far = 27.3 miles

That’s the face that greets me every single time I put on the running kit and lace up the trainers. Which, when you’re taking part in Juneathon and running every day of the month, you’d imagine you end up seeing quite a lot.

50% of time he is often disappointed and doesn’t actually join me on a run. The reason? Well he’s getting on a bit now and he is so god damn slow!

But this evening I caved in and we went to the woods for a little jog round. It was the usual routine, the first twenty minutes or so he’s fine, and even at a pretty slow pace, he can keep up. But the second half of the run is a different story altogether. I have to wait for him every 400yds! Which becomes quite frustrating, rest day for him tomorrow.

Juneathon Day 3 = 3.8 miles

Total in June so far = 23.9 miles

Went up this hill five times this morning.

Been looking to do a bit more hill running in preparation for a future 100km race and I’ve found a nice 3ish mile loop at the woods that includes four decent hills.

So this morning’s long run was all about slowing the pace down and just plodding around.

5 laps. Felt good.

Juneathon Day 2 = 17 miles

Total Juneathon so far = 20.1 miles

Today’s the 1st June which means Juneathon. Time to run (or exercise) every day of June, and then, of course, blog about it.

It was the regular visit to Rutland Water Parkrun this morning. It was a beautiful, warm, sunny morning. Perfect PB weather!

I didn’t fancy going crazy, but Amy wanted a sub-30. We were ready.

We saw the usual sights: sheep and water.

Was it a successful outing? Did she get a sub-30? Technically…yes and no.

• Strava said 29.59
• Parkrun said 30.00

Either way it was a lovely start to the weekend. We stayed in the cafe for coffee and had vegan sausage sandwiches when home.

Cushty.

Juneathon Day 1 = 3.1 miles

Spent the evening with the fabulous Darren O’Sullivan celebrating the publication of his latest novel at Waterstones in Peterborough.

It’s half term so this morning I set out at 8am for what should have been a longish run.

Things didn’t work out as planned.

It was a lovely morning, the sun was shining the birds were singing; a perfect day for some running on some of the local trails.

About 20mins in I rounded the corner and spotted an old man and his dog. The fella was standing and looking out across the fields with his beloved dog laid at his feet. A pretty normal scene. There was no hint at the horror that was about to develop.

Now, I’ve been running for a fair few years, I now exactly how to approach someone walking their dog, give them plenty of room and calmly run past. I didn’t whip out my machete and charge the old fella screaming and shouting like some crazed escaped lunatic.

So as I was about to calmly jog past the innocent looking man and his loving pet, the dog looked up, spotted me and bounded towards me. For a split second I thought it was coming to say hello, I have a dog myself, I’m always happy to bend down, say hello and give him a stroke. But as it got closer I saw the look of ruination in the eyes, the drooling lust driven mouth, the jaws of death and the dagger like teeth glistening in the sunshine.

Like a scene from Sharknado, the sound of gnashing teeth filled the air, I realised I was fighting for my very existence. The rabid monster was getting closer, it had locked on its target and nothing was going to stop it. It was coming head on at me, the Crown Jewels we’re in danger. In a desperate attempt to save my manhood, like Rudolf Nureyev performing a pirouette in The Nutcracker, I attempted to protect myself by shoving my arse in the beast’s face.

Clearly the dog saw this as an invitation he couldn’t refuse and sunk his teeth into said arse, not once, but twice.

The old fella, after regaining control of his blood thirsty beast, did actually apologise, to which I replied that his dog was a ‘f***er’ and he was a ‘dick’.

I then continued on my run, although now I had a new destination, the doctors for a tetanus shot.

Today’s picture of the day I hear you ask?

That’s easy: my arse.

[Parental Advisory: Explicit Content]